Trip to Marco Island

We (Sue and I) just made a trek to the “other coast.”  For you non-Floridians, we have an east coast, a west coast, and a south coast (panhandle view).  If you count the islands like Key West, we even have a north coast.  The west coast of Florida is accessible from Miami, by using I-75 with its non-de-plumes of Everglades Expressway and Alligator Alley.

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South Florida, Marco Island in Red at Left

Since we were headed to Marco Island, we decided to take the old Tamiami Trail, aka SW 8^th street, aka Calle Ocho, aka US 41.  All streets in Florida have at least three names just to confuse the tourists.  The Tamiami Trail got its name as a contraction of Tampa to Miami.  This is a bit misleading as the Tamiami Trail goes from Miami to Marco Island, then to Naples, Bonita Springs, Estero, Cape Coral, Fort Myers, Punta Gorda, Sarasota, and several other cities long before you get anywhere near Tampa.  Just trust the "good-ol-boys" in Tallahassee to have fun with the folks down south.  The Tamiami Trail is a bit more laid back than I-75, and is a two-lane highway with passing available only for those with a death wish.

Dotted along the way are several “Panther Crossing” signs featuring a black panther silhouette in a yellow diamond frame.  You will never see one of these animals.  You are more likely to find a Mexican-Muslim at a Trump rally than to spot a Florida Panther.

Panther Crossing Sign

We were visiting friends, Putty and Terry, who had rented a condominium on the beach on Marco Island.

View from the Condo

Same-state trips such as these are simple head clearing jaunts to give you a change of scenery and an excuse to over-eat and have that extra glass of wine or four.  As if we needed an excuse.  The average home sale on Marco Island is $540,000.  If you would like your home to have a view of the water, just add a two and a comma in front of that figure and you are almost there.

Sue, Terry and Putty (aka Kathy)

The town, as you might imagine, is immaculate, featuring manicured parkways, manicured lawns, manicured pedestrians, and manicured poodles.  There are wide bike-ways and not an ugly person within 50 miles.  The beach behind our visited condominium was large enough to fit a soccer stadium with plenty of parking.  Just don’t tell David Beckham.  He might want to spoil the place.

 

Our first day’s adventure took us back east on the Tamiami Trail to Everglades City for an airboat ride.  We were joined by Sue P, who lives in Naples when she is in Florida.  Everglades City is just south of the Tamiami Trail.  It has a population of around 402, give or take a few folks after any recent drug bust.

Everglades City Welcome Sign

We called the top three rated establishments in Everglades City only to learn that this was the peak of their tourist season and all trips were full.  We worked our way down the food chain of such establishments until we found one that said, “Sure, we have plenty of openings.”  We were a bit nervous but thought, “We’re old, we’ve lived full lives, what the heck.”  We drove past the tour facilities of billboard and Trip Advisor fame featuring shiny air-boats with large comfortable bench seating and headphones for informative commentary.  Such things are not for procrastinators. We got to the end of the street and found our Everglades Island Boat Tours.

Everglades Island Boat Tours

Our airboat was not shiny or new, at least not since the 1950’s.  It had nicks and dings that we attributed to minor collisions with Everglades mosquitoes or perhaps shotgun pellets from DEA agents. 

Airboat Selection

Our captain, I think his name was Nick, was a, shall we say, colorful character.  He talked fast with a nervous patter.  We would learn at our first stop that Nick had found God, but only after three different jail terms.  Nick was old enough to have been a participant in the 1983 "roundup."   The population of Everglades City in 1983 was around 600 and eventually, 300 of them were arrested on drug charges.

Sheriff Proclaims That At Least 300 People Were Not Drug Smugglers

Nick was now a preacher and we were about to hear about the tough life he had growing up in this sleepy little backwater town.  We learned of the town's penchant for marijuana and cocaine smuggling.   "There are two expressions that no one uses in this town anymore," the Miami News quoted an unidentified resident as saying. "One is that this town is going to pot. The second is that we are waiting for our ship to come in."

Nick mentioned during one of his stories an instance when he took a local girl home and his mother told him she was his cousin.  He asked how far he had to go to avoid the family tree and was told that he would need to pass the next two trailer parks to find a suitable mate.

Airboat Group, Picture by Sue P

After our initial briefing, we were thankful that our boat was not equipped with headphones to listen to the captain.  It did however, have ear protection devices to block out the noise from the airboat’s propeller and the captain.  What our tour lacked in informative commentary was more than made up for with a high-speed thrill ride through narrow mangrove tunnels.  We weaved back and forth down the corridors of tangled roots, branches, and canopy of leaves only to blast forth into the light of a small pond in the sun.  Nick seemed to know every twist and turn.  You can just imagine being chased by the DEA while zipping through the swamp.  Try to imagine this this while watching the video below.

 

Video Clip of Airboat Ride in Mangroves With Special Appearances of The Back of Sue P's Head

At one point, we stopped to see a small lone alligator that looked like he would like to be in any other section of the swamp but the one with the noisy airboats.  We also stopped to visit a family of raccoons who, we were informed, were tidal and not nocturnal, like their forest dwelling cousins.  One brave little guy, call him Rocky Raccoon, came right up to our boat and peered in as if he was expecting a handout.  I would imagine he has seen some food come his way from airboats before.

Rocky Looking for Some Food

We finished our airboat ride and made it back to the docks.  As rides go, I think we got lucky with our low-rent trip.  I don’t think other companies let their captain’s blast through the narrow channels the way our captain did.  We gave him a nice tip and he returned the favor by grabbing a small gator out of a glass cage with his four-fingered hand and presented it to one of the guests in our party.

Putty With Her New Handbag

Terry With His New Belt

We then drove back into Everglades City and visited the Camellia Street Grill where you can get a wide variety of seafood cooked any way you like it…, as long as you like it fried.  If you wash down that cholesterol with a little beer, you’ve been fed.

Camellia Street Grill

Fine Food Offering

Terry--Sue P--Putty--Jack (picture by Sue D)

We left Everglades City and headed further south to the town of Chokoloskee.  We visited the famous Ted Smallwood’s Store, established in 1906.  By Florida standards, this is ancient.  The Smallwood Store is listed in the National Register of Historic Places.  It is a rustic building with an eclectic collection of junk from its days as a trading post.

Smallwood Store

We spent the rest of our three day visit enjoying the beach and the company of our friends  The beach there is all white sand save for a small mangrove rimmed pond where I stopped to take a few pictures.   

Marco Island Airlines Ready for Takeoff

We drove up to Sue P’s place in Naples and went out to dinner on the water.  We returned home on Thursday back down the Tamiami Trail.  The trip was uneventful except for the closing of the westbound lane of the Trail due to a large (10’ ?) alligator on the road.  He didn’t look like he wanted to move and due to his large size, the troopers were not too anxious to get near enough to change his mind.

Florida Speedbump

A Park Ranger once told me, "the only thing meaner and more dangerous in the Everglades than a large alligator is a "crocagator."  He explained that the crocagator has the head of a crocodile on one end and the head of an alligator on the other.  When I questioned his description by asking him how such an animal would poop, he merely said, "that's what makes him so mean."